Tag Archives: George Carlin

New Media, Indeed!

And I am not talking about internet, or augmented reality or other new tech. I’m more of an old school guy, you know. I still don’t have cable, but free TV adapted, actually, in quite wondrous ways. You still can’t watch free porn but there’s always Solenn Heusaff. Remember radio? they evolved, too. From an all-news format to an all-request station, you can program your radio-playing mobile phone into niche programming and recreate Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas without the guns and the crime because you live in the Philippines and there are more buses and speed bumps in side streets than there are luxury cars and 9mm ammunition. And print? Eh, you’re looking at it.

credits to spot.ph

credits to spot.ph

From a music player full of downloaded files on your phone to buying digital music by the single on iTunes, it may seem that radio is dead, if you don’t want to listen to music chosen by others to appeal to their taste and foisted upon you every day until the earworm goes through your brain on the other side. As noted by the late George Carlin, himself an ex-DJ, lots of music actually get chosen to be put on the radio by sheer catchiness, what is known as the song’s “hook.” This is the hook referred to by Vanilla Ice on Ice Ice Baby’s chorus, which incidentally was stolen/sampled from the song “Under Pressure” by Queen/David Bowie. This is what got Poker Face by Lady Gaga, Sugar Sugar by the Archies, and Napakasakit, Kuya Eddie by Roel Cortez famous. Recently, in order to keep people listening, radio stations repeatedly got the tried and tested formula of copying whatever works (which is currently loudmouthed DJs with opinions catchphrases and jokes colorful enough they are only suitable for 2 things, comedy bars or an all-stud beer session. It probably started with “Kailangan pa bang i-memorize yan?” until the irritating “Mehganun?!” and today’s “*blank*paMOR!” Hearing the Visayan or Ilocano language is good, but more often, when you only hear the medium, it only gives you a warning that the next joke will make fun of a stereotyped “probinsyano.” And now you can listen to sexual jokes on the radio in between playing One Direction and Taylor Swift songs;you know, songs your eight-year old love. Things got bad enough that NU 107.5 closed down a few years ago.

Now the good news. 92.3 FM got bought by Manny Pangilinan and got turned into an all-news FM station. This is one thing that I really wished for when Ondoy hit and I got stuck in the hospital morgue overnight (it is a teaching hospital). Since mobile phones which have radios built in (as opposed to downloading an app) only have FM on it, there will be times that the Facebook newsfeed won’t be enough. Or if you prefer formal news, like when you get aroused on hearing of the latest turn of events about Mamasapano congressional hearings but online news agencies can’t create or speculate web content fast enough, you can always get a phone patch through the radio news.

Niche programming is back, in a way. There is no more NU 107.5 but Tiger 22 Media Corporation put out 2 stations for 2 different kinds of people: people who wish they are rockers and people who wish they’re in a club. That’s Jam 88.3 and 99.5 Play FM for you. Of course you can always convert to mp3 format that youtube video of Elvis Presley singing “Suspicious Minds” so Jam 88.3 has the Merch Crate, a promo tied in with their Facebook page that gives the lucky wiener a gift package full of souvenir items from local rock bands. 99.5 Play FM also has mixes straight from club DJs themselves, which will help you get out of that boring office. Just lock yourself in a sweaty closet and smoke cigarettes (please don’t try this). The dark and stuffy atmosphere and you will think that ‘there’s that cute guy over there, mind you don’t steal HIS cute guy.’

For stuffy, “amoy lupa”-types (we prefer the term, “old soul”), you always have 100.3 DZRJ with songs mostly from the 60’s and covers by Ramon Jacinto. You also have 98.7 FM (Master’s Touch) for classical music and Christian talk radio. There is a surprise as well if you go over to 104.3 DWBR. This is actually a government-run radio service that churns out surprisingly good quality music from the 30’s down to the 80’s. If you can stand the newsreaders with bad Filipino accents (as in p/f/b/v issues and diction), the news content is actually good that propaganda is not as bad as on the TV channel PTV4. Larry Henares, though he mostly quotes other people’s opinion columns, is always good.

rjacinto

For television, I am not talking about television series or the “Mahiwagang Black Box” sold by ABS-CBN to people too cheap to commit to cable yet can’t get enough for their Forevermore fix. Some TV channels have also changed, and what wonderful changes. Channel 9 I think is still with Solar and is now named CNN Philippines. It is not all news though. Bogart the Explorer appears in a comedy documentary reminiscent of Strangebrew and Matanglawin. Channel 5 still keeps pirating other TV channels’ stars, but their MovieMax features that dubs foreign movis in Filipino is so well-entrenched and popular, pirated DVDs actually record these and sell the dubbed copies. The government channel, PTV4 also has an innovation: Philippine Charity Sweepstakes Office has 6/58 now and will give new bounds to exciting millions of Filipino people.

Well, it turns out these things are very awesome only when there is no free internet connection to be had. Key is, you have to know what to look for in order to enjoy them.


Suerte

I live in a low-income housing place where I have to ride a tricycle just to go anywhere. I have the routine down pat, and I usually bring a book along or play Pou on my phone as the trike chugs along the hills of Bagong Silang, Caloocan. On some days, I just watch the roadside.

On one of these trips, I noticed a sign that was hastily put up on a school wall. “Itaya sa Lotto,” together with six random numbers in indelible felt pen ink. I was curious. Who thought up the combination and recommended people to bet for these numbers? Why, in the name of the True, the Good and the Beautiful, did this person also write the numbers on a wall? Why did this person not bet on these himself/herself?

These are the things that have me labeled weird and creepy. But once, the late husband of my father’s aunt (I just call him one of my lolos) had a friend who he usually pestered for lotto numbers to bet on. Let’s call him “Ryo.” I was a very young kid back then and was not knowledgeable of laws for the protection of the mentally ill, and we kids frequently tormented Ryo. I was fascinated by the man. He doesn’t speak intelligibly. He doesn’t bathe. He doesn’t change his clothes. He doesn’t use a spoon and fork while eating. Yet my lolo frequently consulted him on winning numbers and let him loiter outside his sari-sari store. It was an article of faith that beneath the tattered dark gray clothes Ryo wore were a lot of paper money given by lolo as balato. Ryo was lolo’s lucky charm, and he said as much. We only knew him as a good-for-nothing who we often jeered at to await his reply of curses and highly intense claps. He clapped very hard like he had wood for palms when he was mad-angry. This got lolo angry and we got scolded at. We got out, our thrill for the day then was sated.


Thoughts for the Day # 31

As George Carlin said:

“Once I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. I took his shoes. Now I am happy again.”


Thoughts for the Day # 4

1. You will be missed, pimpmeister.

2. I recently acquired George Carlin’s first book, Brain Droppings. It’s the last I bought, which is funny because I got his last book (in my opinion), When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? first.

3. Because of #1, I am not in the mood for dishing out comedy, but I need a good joke.

4. Well, recently some jokers in San Francisco decided to invent a sandwich called LGBT. It’s lettuce, green mangoes, bacon and a slice of tomato. They weren’t trying to be funny, but the stuff tastes uncomfortable to some people.

5. I don’t want to learn arnis, but I saw a book where a guy teaches fighting with a whip. I’d like to be able to do that.


Thoughts a la Carlin

If you know George Carlin (Seven Words You Can’t Say On Television, Napalm and Silly Putty, Bill and Ted’s), you know his acid jokes. Here are some of my takes:

– Never trust a person who says, “TRUST ME.”
– Most people who like Farmville didn’t have to depend on farm earnings for a living. My father hates Farmville.
– Stop comparing this country to America. It is more fun if we laugh at them instead.
– I am glad the word fad on AzNpRiDe dissipated. What was the point in that? You go on proclaiming how proud you are being Asian by adopting black culture in a country historically-known for racism?
– Gentlemen, there is such a thing as an Improbable Research. These are real scientific studies (most of them are published) with horrifyingly ridiculous (sometimes sad) premises. To increase your levels of despair on the future of the human mind, go to htp://www.improbable.com
– True Fact: The first time I was depressed was when I started reading J. D. Salinger’s Catcher in the Rye. I was down for a whole month. I was studying at that point, and I had to force myself to accept the author’s terms quickly. Yet in some schools, this is recommended reading. Are these institutes of Learning sponsored by Prozac?
– I think I can finish A Clockwork Orange by myself faster than I can study Statistics under the tutelage of another. Change the curriciulum!


Thoughts for the Day #1

– I played Call of Duty 2 two days ago and it seems to be a clone of Call of Duty, except it has chapters on the North African campaign vs. Rommel’s forces. And I have now played all Call of Duty games available on PC. Now I realize how short Modern Warfare 2 is, especially the snowmobile part.

– I finally understood Left 4 Dead 2. There is more to the apocalyptic atmosphere than just darkness and eerie sounds. And aside from the Tank, I added one more monster to my Hate List: the Jockey.

– The Witches in Left 4 Dead and Left 4 Dead 2 are all right. You leave them alone, you go on with your life.

– Entropy fan George Carlin would have loved Left 4 Dead. He would have hated Zombieland. I don’t know if he would have loved Plants vs. Zombies.

– I heard the rumor late: Activision and Blizzard joined? Can we finally see Starcraft Ghost?

– On Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2: Things I hate:

  1. urban Brazil
  2. Trench guns
  3. I play clumsy characters. Come on, they’re ALWAYS getting helped back up. Now one’s missed a helicopter?
  4. Dogs. I hate dogs.

– One thing I love about Call of Duty: Except for Call of Duty: World at War, I think there’s a British guy in every game named Captain Price with an excellent mustache. I really would have loved him as a boss.