New Media, Indeed!

And I am not talking about internet, or augmented reality or other new tech. I’m more of an old school guy, you know. I still don’t have cable, but free TV adapted, actually, in quite wondrous ways. You still can’t watch free porn but there’s always Solenn Heusaff. Remember radio? they evolved, too. From an all-news format to an all-request station, you can program your radio-playing mobile phone into niche programming and recreate Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas without the guns and the crime because you live in the Philippines and there are more buses and speed bumps in side streets than there are luxury cars and 9mm ammunition. And print? Eh, you’re looking at it.

credits to spot.ph

credits to spot.ph

From a music player full of downloaded files on your phone to buying digital music by the single on iTunes, it may seem that radio is dead, if you don’t want to listen to music chosen by others to appeal to their taste and foisted upon you every day until the earworm goes through your brain on the other side. As noted by the late George Carlin, himself an ex-DJ, lots of music actually get chosen to be put on the radio by sheer catchiness, what is known as the song’s “hook.” This is the hook referred to by Vanilla Ice on Ice Ice Baby’s chorus, which incidentally was stolen/sampled from the song “Under Pressure” by Queen/David Bowie. This is what got Poker Face by Lady Gaga, Sugar Sugar by the Archies, and Napakasakit, Kuya Eddie by Roel Cortez famous. Recently, in order to keep people listening, radio stations repeatedly got the tried and tested formula of copying whatever works (which is currently loudmouthed DJs with opinions catchphrases and jokes colorful enough they are only suitable for 2 things, comedy bars or an all-stud beer session. It probably started with “Kailangan pa bang i-memorize yan?” until the irritating “Mehganun?!” and today’s “*blank*paMOR!” Hearing the Visayan or Ilocano language is good, but more often, when you only hear the medium, it only gives you a warning that the next joke will make fun of a stereotyped “probinsyano.” And now you can listen to sexual jokes on the radio in between playing One Direction and Taylor Swift songs;you know, songs your eight-year old love. Things got bad enough that NU 107.5 closed down a few years ago.

Now the good news. 92.3 FM got bought by Manny Pangilinan and got turned into an all-news FM station. This is one thing that I really wished for when Ondoy hit and I got stuck in the hospital morgue overnight (it is a teaching hospital). Since mobile phones which have radios built in (as opposed to downloading an app) only have FM on it, there will be times that the Facebook newsfeed won’t be enough. Or if you prefer formal news, like when you get aroused on hearing of the latest turn of events about Mamasapano congressional hearings but online news agencies can’t create or speculate web content fast enough, you can always get a phone patch through the radio news.

Niche programming is back, in a way. There is no more NU 107.5 but Tiger 22 Media Corporation put out 2 stations for 2 different kinds of people: people who wish they are rockers and people who wish they’re in a club. That’s Jam 88.3 and 99.5 Play FM for you. Of course you can always convert to mp3 format that youtube video of Elvis Presley singing “Suspicious Minds” so Jam 88.3 has the Merch Crate, a promo tied in with their Facebook page that gives the lucky wiener a gift package full of souvenir items from local rock bands. 99.5 Play FM also has mixes straight from club DJs themselves, which will help you get out of that boring office. Just lock yourself in a sweaty closet and smoke cigarettes (please don’t try this). The dark and stuffy atmosphere and you will think that ‘there’s that cute guy over there, mind you don’t steal HIS cute guy.’

For stuffy, “amoy lupa”-types (we prefer the term, “old soul”), you always have 100.3 DZRJ with songs mostly from the 60’s and covers by Ramon Jacinto. You also have 98.7 FM (Master’s Touch) for classical music and Christian talk radio. There is a surprise as well if you go over to 104.3 DWBR. This is actually a government-run radio service that churns out surprisingly good quality music from the 30’s down to the 80’s. If you can stand the newsreaders with bad Filipino accents (as in p/f/b/v issues and diction), the news content is actually good that propaganda is not as bad as on the TV channel PTV4. Larry Henares, though he mostly quotes other people’s opinion columns, is always good.

rjacinto

For television, I am not talking about television series or the “Mahiwagang Black Box” sold by ABS-CBN to people too cheap to commit to cable yet can’t get enough for their Forevermore fix. Some TV channels have also changed, and what wonderful changes. Channel 9 I think is still with Solar and is now named CNN Philippines. It is not all news though. Bogart the Explorer appears in a comedy documentary reminiscent of Strangebrew and Matanglawin. Channel 5 still keeps pirating other TV channels’ stars, but their MovieMax features that dubs foreign movis in Filipino is so well-entrenched and popular, pirated DVDs actually record these and sell the dubbed copies. The government channel, PTV4 also has an innovation: Philippine Charity Sweepstakes Office has 6/58 now and will give new bounds to exciting millions of Filipino people.

Well, it turns out these things are very awesome only when there is no free internet connection to be had. Key is, you have to know what to look for in order to enjoy them.


One Life Hack You Should Not Know, But Too Late

I’m still wondering why you are looking around this blog. To reward you I will present you with a life hack I found on izismile.com:

classy

A butt plug can be used as a substitute for cork for your wine bottle. Now you know and will forever associate the color purple with such decadence. By the way, can brain bleach disinfect that plug enough?

Life Hacks for Your Sex Toys


10 Kumainments

Nanonood ka ng paborito mong soap opera/telenovela/teleserye/anobadapatangtawagsamgato at nag-commercial. May mamang pamilyar na kakain sa mesa at may katabing dalawang tinapay na nakatayo. Siya si Mang Moy (pinaikling Moises), at kahit na mukhang lumalapastangan sa Lumang Tipan e nagbibigay ng Sampung Utos ng Paglafang.

Dito iyan nagsimula: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OzNWiWIOirY

Dati kasi e napaka-boring ang pagkakahayag nito: Click. English pa. Madalas e sa eskwelahan lang at health center mababasa ito, at ang pang-udyok lang na magbasa nito e kung bibigyan ka ng test pagkatapos. Ang Nutrition Guidelines for Filipinos ay isang listahan ng mga tuntunin kung paano magiging malusog sa pamamagitan ng pagkain NANG tama (magkakasakit ka atay sa pagkain NG tama, ikaw ba naman ang magalmusal ng Red Horse araw-araw). Paano ba naman, kahit sa makabagong panahon ng Oculus Rift, Six Bomb at Mamasapano (na isang alaala sa medieval na kaisipan) e napakarami pa ring bata ang kulang sa nutrisyon. Kulang sa timbang ang mga batang ito at nakapagdudulot din ng kapurulan sa pag-iisip. Marahil may magsasalita na diyan na imbes na gumawa ng santambak na TV commercial e itaas na lang ang pondo ng agrikultura. Meron na rin tayo diyan, pero DoH ang may pakana nito, at gusto nila na maabot ang kamalayan ng mga misis na nanonood ng Flordeliza. Sa dinami-dami naman kasi ng pwedeng ikasakit, napakadaling tugunan ang nutritional deficiency. At hindi nito kailangan ng mahal na gatas, cartoon character o napakamahal na gamit sa kusina. E ano naman ang pakialam ko, di ba nambababoy ako ng mga lumang kanta? Wala lang. Gusto ko ang mga listahan, at gusto ko sa mga bata. Umangal na ang aangal kung hindi muna ako kengkoy.

1. Kumain ng iba’t ibang pagkain.

Parang nakakabobo namang payo ito. Para mo na rin sinabing: Uminom ka ng tubig kapag nauuhaw, o Sa banyo ka tumae huwag sa plato. Pero kung manood ka ng TV, na nagsisilbing textbook ng madaming ina ngayon, hindi ba parang maengganyo kang makaisip na kahit instant noodles lang ang kainin ng anak mo, basta iyung binebentang noodles ng paborito mong artista o basta makainom lang ng mahal na gatas ang anak mo e lalaki na siyang malusog? At oo, sinungaling si Mikael Daez. Hindi ganoon kadami ang kailangang kainin ng tao araw-araw. Ang susi nito ay nakapagtatago naman ng vitamins sa katawan ng tao (lalo na kung mga A, D, E at K; nagtatago sila sa taba). Kaya kung kumain ka man ng kalabasa kahapon, sinulit mo sana para kung steamed okra na may bagoong ang ulam mo ngayon e may vitamin A ka pa din.

2. Sa unang 6 months ni baby, breastfeeding lamang; mula 6 months, bigyan din siya ng angkop na pagkain.

Nagbubukas ang komersyal na tinatanong si Mang Moy kung bakit siya matangkad. Hindi niya sinabing nagkakanin siya nang may kasamang pinatigas na dilaw na mantika (sarap!) noong bata siya (isa na namang ideya para sa article ito). Pinasuso siya ng nanay niya. Noong ipinanganak tayo, kumpleto na ang katawan natin, pero iyung tiyan natin e mas bagay tumunaw ng pagkain na kilala nito, yung galing sa nanay niya siyempre.

(Malamang may sarili kayong joke ukol sa pagpapasuso. Dito niyo na lang ilagay.)

3. Kumain ng prutas at gulay araw-araw.

Hay, Diyos ko. Para na ring sinabing: Huwag bumili ng pirated na DVD. Alam nating lahat ito, pero hindi natin iniisip. Malamang iniisip natin na pang-mahirap ang gulay na ulam, at mahal ang prutas. O hindi masarap ang ulam na walang karne. Hindi ba malakas ang benta ng betsin dito sa atin, gaya nang mga ginisa mix.

Sige, sabihin nang kumain ng gulay, pero hindi naman kailangang ulam lagi. Pwede itong papakin. Hindi rin dapat na lahat ng gulay na alam natin e yung nasa Bahay Kubo lang. May alugbati, langka/kamansi, sayote, at iba’t ibang klase ng talbos. Mahilig ka ba sa balut? Subukang kumain ng Balut ng Kingdom Plantae, ang Bulaklak ng Kalabasa. Lahat ng ito, (oo, kahit ampalaya!) masarap nang may kaunting bagoong.

At hindi kailangang kumain ng ponkan, mansanas o mangga para sa prutas. Mag-nostalgia trip sa aratilis, atis, makopa, mabolo at balimbing. Bawat buwan, may prutas na napapanahon. At dahil hindi pilit ang pamumunga nito, kahit na maliliit, di hamak na mas masustansya kaysa prutas na mabibili buong taon kasi dinaya sa pataba o greenhouse. Sa isang magandang cheat code ng buhay, counted and pag-inom ng juice sa pagkain ng prutas. Pero dapat yung hindi na minatamis, ha.

4. Kumain ng isda, karne at iba pang pagkaing may protina.

Hindi lang kumain ng karne. May mga taong vegetarian pero kailangan pa rin ng protina sa katawan. Ang kakulangan ng protina sa katawan lalo na sa bata ay nakikita sa sakit na kung tawagin ay kwashiorkor. Nakikita ito sa pagkaing mayaman nga sa carbohydrates, gaya ng kanin o lugaw pero nabubusog man sa dami ng kinain ay kulang sa protina.

Ano ba ang ibang pagkain na may protina bukod sa isda at karne?
– Gulay gaya ng munggo, sitaw, bataw, pataneeeee!
– taho
– kuhol
– palaka
– daga
– mga insekto gaya ng kamaro

5. Uminom ng gatas; Kumain ng pagkaing mayaman sa calcium.

Ang calcium ay mineral na malaki ang halaga sa pagbuo ng buto. Pero ang pinakamahalagang gamit nito sa katawan ng tao ay sa pagpapanatili ng malusog na dugo. Kaya kapag tumatanda ang tao ay madalas nakukuba hindi dahil nawawala ang calcium sa buto. Kinukuha ito ng dugo para gamitin. Hindi kailangang bumili ng mahal na gatas. Dilis, halaan, tahong at madami pang gulay ay mayaman dito. Mga gulay na kamag-anak ng repolyo, petsay at broccoli ang tsampiyon dito.

6. Tiyaking malinis at ligtas ang ating pagkain at tubig.

Hindi lang puro vitamins at minerals ang usapan. Tiyaking hindi magkakasakit sa pagkain, hindi lamang sa pagluluto at paninigurong luto at walang makasasamang sangkap ang pagkain, kung hindi maghugas din ng kamay kapag naghahanda ng makakain at bago kumain.

7. Gumamit ng iodized salt.

Naalala niyo si L.A. Lopez?

Presidente si Ramos nung nakuha siyang magtinda ng ibang klaseng asin. Hindi kasi uso sa mga lugar na malapit sa dagat gaya ng NCR na magkulang sa iodine. Isa itong mineral na mahalaga sa pagbuo ng utak habang bata pa. Sa pagtanda, ang kakulangan nito ang nagdudulot ng sakit na bosyo. Ito yung madalas nating makita sa Kapwa Ko Mahal Ko na parang nakalunok ng pakwan, pero imbes na buntis e naiwan sa lalamunan ang pakwan.

8. Hinay-hinay sa maaalat, mamantika o matatamis.

Una, lahat ng sobra ay masama. Pangalawa, hindi naman bawal. Kumain lang na para bang napakadami nitong klaseng pagkain sa mundo. Iyun bang pagsasawaan mo. (Hindi ba parang ganun naman talaga ngayon?) Bukod sa maluntrisyon, malaki ang kinalaman ng sobrang pagkain sa mga sakit gaya ng diabetes, sakit sa puso at stroke.

9. Panatilihin ang tamang timbang.

Aray, talo ako diyan. Pero sa totoo lang, kailangang panatilihin ang timbang na tama lang upang umiwas sa sakit. Ngayon, isa sa mainam na paraan upang malaman kung tama ang timbang e timbangin ang sarili. E, paano gagawin ang pagpapababa ng timbang at pag-iwas sa mga sakit na nagdudulot ng kakulangan ng sustansya sa katawan?

10. Maging aktibo. Iwasan ang alak; huwag manigarilyo.

Boom panes. Sige lalakad muna ako. gtg

10-kumainments-20141028-filipino


The Pope’s Exhortation to the Youth Explained

It has been more than a week, and the hysteria has died down.People are no longer talking about his food, his previous lovelife, and his advice to families (“not like rabbits”). Perhaps I have been looking in the wrong places, but it was a rare post on social media about his exhortation to the youth. I think I made the right choice in staying home, as I was just watching TV and taking it all in, sans traffic, sans sweaty people, sans rain. I can’t blame the people, as I also wanted to be there, but was thinking of the magic of TV as I sat that day, having myself a revelation.

What revelation? Nothing much, really. Nothing that has not already been covered in the Bible, or in Religion or Christian Living class. It was really more akin to our parish priest discussing and explaining the daily gospel. The funny thing about it was even though he had foregone his prepared speech, he still got his point across. Three messages: 1.) Learn how to weep; 2.) How do you love? To think, to feel and to do; and 3.) Learn how to beg. What do I expect, the guy used to teach in college. But I was expecting him to mouth off exotic terms and impossible theology. I underestimated him. I should not have relied on mass media.

Now I have reflected on these three messages, and I made any theological or moral mistakes, please bear with me. The mistakes are all my own.

1. Learn how to weep. The visit had a theme, and is about mercy and compassion. Too often, he said, compassion makes us reach into our pockets and to give something for the poor, whether it be for a sampaguita vendor or a package of clothes and food for disaster victims. This is good in itself, but it should not stop on this. We should have the kind of compassion Christ did. What kind of compassion? Compassion means to feel what your fellow is going through. Christ became man. He became hungry, he lost a dear friend to death, and was also frightened of the future (in Getsemane). He suffered physical, mental, and emotional pain, anguish and shame. For this he was able to love us fully. For how can you not hate a multiple drug addict (or any kind of addict) if you know what withdrawal symptoms (and dopamine dependency and social stigma) are like? How can you not hate a single parent prostitute if you have to feed your daughter and send her to school, and you only know one trade? How can you condemn a suicide if you haven’t been deeply depressed? When you know what it feels like, it releases you and you become better able to help. You know which words to use, to assure and not to promise. You take their hand and sit in silence. You cry with them.You don’t have to experience these things, I hope not, but if you ask, you will hear. If you are still here, and want to help, you can volunteer. There are lots of institutions for doing so. But if you are sensitive, you can get asked by a friend.
2. The challenge of love or how to become saints. This is a bit tricky as he tried to cram other bits and pieces (this is impromptu after all), but one in particular shines through: He was reconciling the idea of the youth having access to the greatest repository of knowledge so far, and maintaining that it is not evil, but to use this knowledge to love. Too often, with too much knowlege we become too immersed in pop culture. Memes, fads, and hit songs and videos can run us the risk of easily getting jaded. A term, computer psychology (he probably means mentality), he explains as knowing everything that you do not become surprised anymore. (If you know the science fiction classic Dune, especially God Emperor of Dune, you will know what I mean.) Change frightens us, as we want to preserve the status quo. We do not want the cheese to be moved. Change makes us insecure, as we do not know the future. Love is like that. There is a saying among some people that they do not want to love because they do not want to get hurt again. They do not want to change. But God has loved us, and continues doing so. Even when we do not respond in kind. Who gets hurt more often than Him? But we are better off for His love. Therefore love, and allow ourselves to be surprised by love.
3. Learn how to beg. If I have not read of a book by a Father Robert Boudens I might have missed this, as I have been raised on “It is better to give than to receive.” Being a Boy Scout, to learn to rely on oneself and be self-sufficient. It was only in having nothing that I realized the value of having real friends. The overarching message is to learn how to be poor in spirit. This is not to say that we ask of people, we can do that easily, thank you very much, but to acknowledge what we lack, and ask of it, in humility, of others. To beg is not only to ask, but to ask with head bowed, without pride, but with courage and trust. We may not be poor in money, but we do not acknowledge that we need to be loved. Or the need for humor. Or the need to be trusted.
The Pope ended his speech on an apologetic note, as he hadn’t read his prepared speech. This was the highlight of the visit for me, to learn that all along I have known these truths, yet I haven’t been practicing them and I should, for this is the mark of being a Christian. To do as Christ has done.

For a transcript of the message, I got a nifty link from rappler here: http://www.rappler.com/…/81203-full-text-pope-francis-messa….
For a youtube video:


Movie Games: Utot

My first post for the year involves things I love: vulgarity, lists, games, and a healthy regard for creativity. I have been a member of manilatonight.com, and its facebook page, where I have been participating in the time-honored forum tradition of games. There is this one I posted before about Movies that describe your sex life. In the light of the upcoming visit of the Holy Father, though, let me be mild for a moment and give you the Greatest Hits for Use a Movie Title to Describe Your Fart: (and Why)

  1. Sound of Music – what you call your own
  2. Blast from the Past – When you walk into an elevator after someone who looks very guilty leaves it
  3. The Wind Talkers – When you engage in a contest with a friend
  4. Wrong Turn – when you were supposed to burp
  5. Splash – when you do it while peeing
  6. Battle of the Bulge – When the gas is heavy enough to create its own breathing space
  7. The Usual Suspects – When you are notorious enough that no one asks anymore who did it
  8. Gone With the Wind – When you know you are notorious enough to disappear when you do
  9. Kick-Ass – When someone hates you for farting they do this to you
  10. Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs – When you really need to go to the bathroom

Words Misused by “Journalists,” or Reasons I Don’t Like Pinoy Network News

I’m a frustrated journalist, make no mistake about it. Thus, I can honestly say I type this piece with some envy. I once dreamed about a reporter myself, but not as Clark Kent, but as Peter Parker! But that is material for another post.

I got off on a good foundation as well, not learning through tabloids and thinly disguised editorials on TV. It was back in 3rd year high school Journalism. This was an elective subject, separate from the English we have been having for the past 2 years at the time. In our school, “elective” does not mean optional. Rather, this is that one subject per school grade that the curriculum makes students take to fill in one period. When I was in 3rd year, it was Basic Accounting and when I was in 4th year, it was Speech. The teacher was also special, as she was newly graduated. I do not know if she was idealistic or if it was her lifelong dream to teach, I have lost contact with her after graduating as she must have switched to another school, or she might have just followed other teachers and went abroad. When it was time for the subject, it was not the usual homework, lecture and seatwork plus assignment model. I must be getting old, but I found that novelty appealing. It gave me a new way to see the world, even though I did not continue to be a reporter. I still like the way I had to watch network news and not care about the content, but how the news gets made, done and served…

More Fun in the Philippines

More Fun in the Philippines

which gets me to the point of this article. Usually, people doing the reports are great. Like Atom Araullo or Maki Pulido, they brave real danger to bring you the news that matters. Even better when they can provide unbiased views of a certain issue that should be monitored by the the masses (an overused word by politics), more too often the stakeholders (this is a very overused word, but in corporate, not journalism) follow better than they follow Maya and Sir Chief. It used to be there was only CNN for you to get news 24-hours a day. Now you get ANC, which is still on cable, but you also get NewsTV on VHF and AksyonTV on UHF. We even get an all-news station on FM radio! But then sometimes you get these, shortcuts and booboos, dahil hindi na nakakatulog ang tagapagbalita:

1. Emotional/Emosyonal – No one cries anymore. No one gets angry, or frustrated, or broken down. They all get “emotional,” as if the victim’s mother were just reciting from rote memory and she starts to let loose when she finally finds out the dead child that had been found by the barangay captain was really theirs. (where did this scenario come from?) Come on, be a little more colorful! Lola Rapper Priscilla knows more words describing human feeling than just “emotional.”

By the way, a certain technique used by unimaginative reporters to elicit the emotional response is to ask, “How do you feel towards: your third cousin’s death/child’s rape by her favorite stuffed animal/the pitchfork swinging mob who watched your sex video?”

2. Riding in Tandem – I admit this may well be an invention of the PNP rather than the press, as when I first heard this used this was from a senior police officer (I forgot who) and some newscasters still say, angkas. But nowadays, riding in tandem this and riding in tandem that. The word is so awkward it forces the sound of bad word construction (see the envy here of not becoming a journalist? This is it in action.) uninformed by the rules of grammar and style into my eardrum. In the US, they describe it as riding shotgun, not riding in/of/by shotgun. I previously thought tandem to be the exclusive domain of words describing synchronized swimming. Now it means a modus operandi of petty crime by which two people ride on one motorcycle, with one driving and one shooting. Imagine Carl Johnson of Grand Theft Auto San Andreas described as committing crimes through riding in tandem?

By the way, I have a theory that this term is to describe criminals who commit crimes on motorbikes… while riding a tricycle, quite common as well.

3. Tagalisms – These include words in English that are used as derived “Filipino” or “Spanish” words. Common words are kaso– for legal case; inabandona– for abandoned, left; and a lot of -yon words: promosyon, relasyon, or posisyon. Funny enough, kunsumisyon does not translate to the English word, consummation. What are these for? Are these used as a prop for English speakers wondering what the verb or noun could mean? Are the news editors (not the newscasters, it is more accurate for them to be called newsreaders) too pressed for time for the next deadline to bother reaching for their Vicassan or UP Filipino Dictionary or just *gasp,* lazy?

Sadly, this is not limited to the journalistic profession. I found many Filipino textbooks back in high school and college talking about kontraktuwalisasyon, komunismo, and recipe books calling for krema. Thinking of style, and how Filipino is really used today, it is acceptable to say, “Pinagtalunan (instead of pinagdebatehan) kanina sa Senado (eh, what the hell, give them that) ang usapin ng contractualization (instead of the word pretending to be Tagalog).

Perhaps I can offer a Rule of Thumb. If it sounds good on Eat Bulaga, the Filipinos can understand it, use it. But that is material for another post.

Like this one, this gets discussed in Eat Bulaga by Joey De Leon all the time.

Like this one, this gets discussed in Eat Bulaga by Joey De Leon all the time.


Kunyari Tweet # 10

I haven’t been able to sleep. I looked at creepypasta. Now I don’t want to sleep.


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