The Tagalog slang diskarte was derived from the 17th century French philosopher Rene Descartes. He is famous for the line: I think, therefore I am. For that he predates Boy Pickup by 300 years.
BOOM!
BS Dictionary: Diskarte
The Dreams of a Sick Child
Isn't he cute?
This is a real doll’s head, found by Physical Therapy interns in the Rehab Department of Philippine Childrens Medical Center. The ichor is sticky glue with accumulated dust and the hair gone, maybe singed off or pulled by countless generations of kids in pain. I would like to deflate the rumor that it will star in a gritty remake of Toy Story by Tim Burton.
Thanks, ysakm8, for the picture. Now you can sleep.
Naughty or Nice?
We all know Santa Claus gives toys and presents (like Starbucks planners and GCs, never hand towels and photo frames) to children who have been good throughout the year. He is also known to punish the wicked, but gift shops and greeting cards do not let us dwell on it too much. We are allowed to believe in hell, but the punishment for naughtiness in a year’s auditing? It’s all vague.
Because we never had to learn about the Krampus:
idea from cracked.com
Thoughts for the Day: Dec 15, 2011
Naughtybutt – When a person is less than badass.
Innovations # 2
I found a way to make the “spell committee” joke funnier. One can add that it sounds like the script of a bad porn clip involving a pizza delivery man. It will only still work for Filipinos though.
For Filipinos fortunate enough not to remember the joke, take heart! I’m not putting it here: This isn’t a videoblog. Yet.
Bongga Ka Day!
Forgive me for being cheap. It has been so long since I did this that I think I would play safe. So this time I will analyze the popular videoke/disco song, “Bongga Ka Day.” I think that, popular as it is, young people today don’t appreciate it as well as their parents, and for good reason. A lot of the terms there are intelligible to today’s young set of gimikeras and gimikeros, it is a wonder the song survived in FM radio playlists at all, especially since it is over 30 years old. So now, neckromancer is here to help you out, or not, as the case may seem:
Bongga Ka Day!
Hala, hala, hala, hala (hala, is gay lingo for sexual activities I am not familiar with, but here it means “hail!,” as the song describes a partygoer’s grand entrance to the club. The song predates 50 Cent’s “In Da Club” by more than 20 years, and is a better club anthem.)
Ahhh!
Hala, hala, hala, hala
Ahhh!
Lahat ay nagulat nang buksan ang pinto (Everyone was surprised when the door was opened. Maybe they thought it was the police.)
Sayaw ng mga tao’y biglang nahinto (The dancers stopped dancing. Maybe they thought it was a raid?)
Buhok mo’y Budji, talampaka’y Gucci (I was thinking the girl’s hair was like a budgerigar’s. But it is another name for a lovebird and Budji referred to Budji “Budjiwara” Layug, a hairstylist famous back then and associated with the old club Coco Banana. Gucci’s an easy giveaway. Just ask Jinkee.)
Suot mo’y gawa ni Pitoy (This referred to Pitoy Moreno.)
Di nanggaling kay Eloy (Back before “UK,” there were thrift shops who sold secondhand, yet still serviceable and even fashionable clothing. One of the most famous was Eloy’s. They had a branch in Legarda Avenue.)
Ahh, hay!
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/t/the_akafellas/bongga_ka_day.html ]
[Chorus:]
Bongga ka, ‘Day (I used to think “bongga” as a portmanteau of “bobo” and “gaga.” It is merely gay lingo for fashionable.)
Bongga ka, ‘Day
Sige lang, sige lang, itaas ang kilay (Somehow, I constantly think of Raymond Gutierrez during this line.)
Bongga ka, ‘Day
Bongga ka, ‘Day
Sige lang, sige lang, itaas ang kilay
Hala, hala, hala, hala
Ahhh!
Tapos na ang araw ng hirap at gutom (Now the song explains the reason why the heroine goes out to party every night. Annie Batungbakal, in the movie of the same name, wants to meet someone rich to elevate herself up in society. She and people like her think that in order to be rich, they must look, act, and think like rich people. That predates The Secret by Rhonda Byrne by several years.)
Swerte ka’t nakahagip ng madatong
Buhoy mo’y Budji, talampaka’y Gucci
Suot mo’y Gawa ni Pitoy
Di nanggaling kay Eloy
Ahh, hay!
[Repeat Chorus]
***
Bongga Ka Day is phenomenal. It transcends age, sexual persuasion and language to bring its message of economic hope to the people of the Philippines. Thanks, Hotdog.
Here’s a video of a great performance of Bongga Ka Day:
Innovations that I Don’t Want to Own Up # 1
Today I’m back in blogging and I would like to start with a new series, namely, “Innovations that I don’t want to involve myself.” I thought of these myself, but if there are other people who would like to correct me for that, then good. That would prove I’m not the only person who likes to think up these things.
ITIDWTOU#1: We have proximity alarms for cars. These are things that sense if a thing is close enough to your car to damage it. They would activate alarms that warn the offender to stay away and they would ring like a Klaxon when all else fails. These are designed against automotive crimes. Trouble is, they are often more trouble than they’re worth, so I thought up of a more useful one for this piece of technology. This would encourage the owner to wash their cars.
It will be a thing where the car would detect when something is rubbing along its side. Instead of a rude warning, the one doing the rubbing would hear a recorded sound of a human (gender by request) in pleasure. It would respond, using a feedback mechanism, to increased frequency of rubs and of the friction involved, until a certain point is reached, and the person doing the washing would take that as a sign that he will need a cold shower. One would never go to a car wash again, and female names given to cars will have a new meaning. I am predicting that sales of Japanese cars will be given a boost.
Dirty Joke: Hypnotist
Here’s a joke that won’t be featured on one of those FM radio stations:
May isang magician na magaling sa hipnotismo. Sa sobrang galing niya, niyaya siyang magperform sa TV, a la Criss Angel at David Blaine. Naghipnotismo siya nang aso, nang kabayo at nang tao. Bilang pagtatapos, sinabi niya sa camera na kaya niyang i-hipnotismo ang audience na nanonood.
Pinatulog niya sa harap ng kamera ang libu-libong manonood. Pinasayaw niya nang Macarena ang mga lalaki at ang mga babae ay pinag-jumping jack nang 30 beses. Pinatahol niya ang mga bata at ang lahat ay pinag-head bang sa saliw ng tugtog na Lumayo Ka Man Sa Akin.
OK na sana ang lahat. Ang TV producer na nanonood sa tabi ay nagbibilang na ng kikitain ng miniseries nang natapilok ang magician at nasabi niya sa kamera, “AY, TAE!”
Moral: May silbi pa rin ang MTRCB.
Cartographic Sketch
image from interaksyon.com
Ito raw ang hitsura ng bumaril kay Ali Peek, ayon sa software na gumagawa ng cartographic sketch ng PNP. Ayon pa sa mga pulis, ang suspect ay maaaring baguhan sa pagiging hitman. Kung ganoon, baka may future siya sa comedy.
Dear neckromancer: Taco Beach
Dear neckromancer,
Bakit comfort room ang tawag ng mga Pinoy sa kubeta?
“Rhea Diaz”
***
Dear Rhea,
Ganito iyan: ang toilet ay tinawag dahil nagpapagod ang mga gumagamit nito. Para silang nagtatrabaho, toil, ika nga. Hindi kasi mahilig kumain ng gulay at kulang pa sa exercise; palibhasa’y sanay sa katulong at alipin.
Ang rest room naman ay isang sagisag ng decadent at prodigal na pamumuhay. Bumibisita ang mga tao dito hindi upang magpahinga, kundi upang makipagbuno, wrestling, ika nga. Ito yung tatak ng at risk sa colon cancer.
Habang sa pagiisip ng mga Pinoy, comfort room ang tawag natin sa Taco Beach kung kumakain tayo ng gulay, may sapat na ehersisyo at walang masyadong bisyo.
